In shame, Ari looked down at her palms. "Perhaps Xena knew even then," the teen’s thoughts tormented her as the image
of Xena turning away from her when she was only a babe replayed over and over in her mind. For her, only one thing
remained clear. She should have never been born. The dark haired girl didn’t know who her father was, nor was she
certain that her warrior mother would have told her if she asked. But one thing she was certain of, her birth, unlike Eve’s,
was unplanned and it was unwanted. "I am nothing more than a mistake," she solemnly thought, "Eve is who she wanted,
not me."
Ari frowned as she tried to sort through her confusing thoughts. No matter how hard she tried, she was always doing
something wrong. A part of her wondered if she would ever truly know what it was that she was, and wasn’t supposed to
do, and if she did, would she be able to resist her own urges and do what was right? Or maybe Alti’s way is what she
was supposed to be like. Perhaps the sorceress and Xena knew her better than anybody and that is why her birth mother
turned away from her when she was born. Maybe the warrior princess knew before she was born that Ari was evil like
Alti. But as she thought this, the girl shook her head. Not even being evil came easy to her. If it had, then the dark mage
never would have felt compelled to lace her food and drink with the mysterious herb.
At a sudden sound, Ari glanced around. She saw Xena, wearing only her white undergarments, smiling at her as the older
woman made her way to where she sat huddled against a tree. In a casual manner, the tall warrior knelt down, keeping
her gaze on the water. With her mother so close, the sullen girl reached up and wiped at the errant tears that had fallen
down her cheeks.
“I know what happened,” Xena’s voice was quiet as she picked up a twig and absently twirled it between her fingers.
“I’m not sure what you read, but it sure must have been something for Eve to be so upset about it,” a half-chuckle
escaped the warrior’s control.
“Ari, this is not a serious matter, so please don’t torment yourself over it. Your sister was probably just writing something
personal about a young man in her life. In time, she’ll forget about it. As long a you know that it’s not acceptable to look
at other people’s personal items, that’s all that matters.” The warrior princess kept her voice low and controlled.
Ari turned away and gripped her legs even closer. She watched the ripples of waves passing by her then wiped at the
slight tears that flowed slowly down her cheeks. A part of the dark child wanted to confess her filthy thoughts. She
wanted to be able to tell her warrior mother that she missed the feel of Alti’s touch… that she longed to be taken, to feel
the sorceress’ fingers giving her such exquisite pleasure. But ashamed of her secret desires, and afraid that this would be
the straw that would cause Xena to turn away from her, the girl maintained her silence. Unable to fully explain her
thoughts, she only sighed as she shook her head in frustration.
“I-I… don’t… b-belong here,” her voice came out like a whisper.
“Oh, honey, no,” Xena moved closer to her, wrapped her arm around Ari’s shoulder as she pulled her close.
“Sweetheart, that’s not true. That can’t be furthest from the truth!” Her mother whispered close to her ear, then pulled
away and wiped at the girl’s tears.
“Honey, this was just a little mistake. Your sister will get over it, she’s probably just embarrassed that you saw what she
wrote, but I promise, Eve does not hate you and she will get over it!” The warrior promised as Ari leaned into her
embrace.
“M-Mother…?” The dark child was afraid to ask the question, which had been plaguing her thoughts.
“What is it, honey?” Xena held her close as she gazed down at the stream.
“W-why… I mean… h-how come…” But Ari stopped and shook her head, frustrated that her thoughts could not come
out easily through her words. Finally, after taking a deep breath, she turned and faced her mother. “W-Why do you c-
care so m-much?” She asked, then shook her head in defeat, “I-I shouldn’t e-even be h-here,” her words were a half-
whisper as she gazed down at her hands, “Y-You were right to have t-thrown me away when I was born.” The deep
despair threatened to consume her.
“Oh Ari, that’s not true! That’s not at all how it happened! Oh, sweetheart, I’m so sorry that you think that’s what I did,
it’s just… so much happened, and I was… I was far too young, too immature to be able to take care of you. But that in
no way means that I threw you away!” Xena’s voice was laced with tears as she spoke softly to her.
“Ari, honey, I care so much because you are my child and you do belong here! You belong with me and your mother and
sister,” Xena’s words were soft yet firm as she pulled her child close, her lips lightly kissing the girl’s temple. “Honey, don’
t ever think that you don’t belong here. We’re your family, you belong with us,” the warrior tried to assure.
The teen felt her tears falling freely as she leaned into her mother’s embrace. When control slowly returned, she shook her
head as she closed her eyes. “It’s j-just that… I-I a-always do things w-wrong… I-I can’t seem to do anything right,”
Ari sighed as she closed her eyes to the flood of emotions threatening to pull her under. “Mother, I-I am evil… I d-don’t
think I-I’ll ever belong… anywhere.”
“Oh my poor baby girl,” Xena cooed as she rocked Ari in her arms. “That’s not true. You are not evil! You do belong,
you belong with us! I’m so sorry you feel this way, I’m so very, very sorry.”
Xena felt her tears slowly falling for her daughter. After she had returned from her bath, she learned about Ari’s actions.
Since Gabrielle had already resolved the matter, she hoped that it would be over, but as the time passed and her eldest
hadn’t yet returned, Xena went to find the girl. At first, she thought she would find her lost in thought as she was
submerged under the water. To the warrior’s surprise, the girl hadn’t even entered the water. Instead she sat on the edge
of the embankment staring into the water as tears fell down her cheeks.
As the girl wept freely, Xena rocked her in her arms. The dark warrior knew that her daughter would have a hard time
adjusting to a normal life, but she had not realized that it would be this hard. A part of her hoped that the girl’s was simply
Ari’s true personality emerging from the years of abuse and drug addiction. But now, she realized that it was simply a
symptom of a deeper problem.
At the sound of a breaking twig, the warrior princess glanced over her shoulder. She saw the look of concern in her
lover’s eyes and could sense Gabrielle’s indecision. When Xena smiled slightly and nodded, her soulmate only waved,
then turned and left them alone. Knowing that this took supreme effort on the storyteller’s part, the older woman closed
her eyes and vowed to thank her spouse for her foresight.
Ever since Ari had cringed and pulled away from her during her fever, Xena felt left out of her child’s life. Although she
was grateful that her daughter was able to find comfort with Gabrielle, the warrior could not help the sadness that filled her
at the thought that she reminded the girl of Alti. Of all of the people that she could be mistaken for, the older woman never
thought she could be confused with the evil sorceress. But now that her girl was in her arms and accepting comfort from
her, a part of Xena was elated, even though she was sadden by her daughter’s pain.
When Ari’s tears slowly subsided, she pulled away and looked down at the girl’s downcast eyes. With soft, quiet
hiccups, her child wiped at her eyes as she pulled away from her. Like a blanket of sadness that had been wrapped
around her shoulders, the despondent teen stared down at the rippling waves.
“Honey? Ari?” The warrior princess examined her daughter closely. She saw the familiar, vacant look. The eyes that
once wept were now void of emotions. When Xena lightly touched the girl’s soft cheek, Ari turned and stared at her.
Buried deep within her eyes was a sadness that tore at Xena’s heart, but then it was quickly replaced with a questioning
expression.
“Honey, are you all right now?” she asked the girl as Ari turned away. In answer to her question, her eldest nodded as
she stretched her legs out. “Then why don’t we go back and join them for dinner. I’m sure the food is ready by now.”
She kept her voice soft as she stood up, then reached down, and helped her daughter to her feet.
By the time they returned to camp, Gabrielle and Eve were already eating dinner. With a slight greeting, the blonde set her
plate aside and handed Ari a plate, and then Xena. The dark child only nodded as she settled herself on her bedroll and
lightly picked at the meat. With eyes downcast, she listened to the voices of her family. Occasionally, she’d cast a
sidelong glance at her sister in hope of gauging her wrath. Whenever she caught Eve’s eyes, the prophet would frown
slightly as she turned her attention away from the girl. With a slight sigh, the Ari would return her attention to her dinner in
hope that the delicious meat would take her troubling thoughts away. When she could not eat anymore, she set her plate
aside, then sat cross-legged as she stared into the flames.
Ari allowed her thoughts to roam freely as she watched the brilliant colors of the fire’s flame. Around her, the
conversations of her family continued unabated. At the end of the meal, Eve gathered up the plates to take to the stream
for cleaning while Xena began to sharpen her sword in silence. When the girl heard a familiar scratching sound, she
glanced over at her bard mother and watched as the blonde sat with head bent, as she scribbled on a parchment. Curious
by her movements, she watched the older woman, but when Gabrielle glanced at her, she quickly turned away,
remembering that it was wrong to look at what she was doing. Yet no matter how many times she tried to control herself,
the dark child could not help but cast sidelong glances at the parchment in her mother’s hand.
“What do you think Ari?” Gabrielle’s voice caught the girl by surprise.
With wide eyes, she glanced at her mother’s smiling face and turned quickly away as a shrug escaped her control. At her
move, the storyteller sighed then got up from her place and moved closer to Ari. When she sat beside her, she held the
parchment open and in front of her daughter’s lap.
