“Ari, what do you think you see?” the storyteller asked gently as she took the stone from her and held the girl’s hands in
hers. Submerged to her shoulders, Gabrielle waited patiently, watching her daughter’s expression closely.
The dark child’s gaze was hooded when she thought she had done something wrong. With brows furrowed, she stared at
her reddening flesh. At her mother’s question, Ari thought through her responses before answering softly.
“D-Dirty. I-I a-am so… d-dirty,” Ari whispered as she lowered her head in shame and tried, once again, to wipe the dark
film from her forearm. Nothing could have helped her to see herself as anything less.
“Oh no, Ari. No, sweetheart,” Gabrielle’s voice was so soft and tender as she stopped Ari’s movements, then cupped
the girl’s cheeks and forced her to look up. “Listen to me. You are not dirty! Do you hear me? You’ve cleaned off all
the grime from our travel, remember, I helped you bathe it all away,” the storyteller insisted. “Honey, you are washed
clean and fresh now, do you understand?”
Ari gulped as she fought back tears. She saw the conviction within her mother’s green eyes, yet found it hard to accept
her words. Unable to respond, she simply closed her eyes and lowered her head in shame.
“Oh honey, how can I convince you?” Gabrielle whispered as she pulled her into a close embrace. Ari felt the woman’s
naked flesh close to hers. The coolness of the water around them kept her anchored within herself. Each time she thought
too deeply, or allowed the vivid memories of her past to return, she seemed to feel herself separating, moving outside of
herself, but she fought these feelings and attempted to remain grounded.
“Listen to me, we’ve been in this water so long that your hands are getting all wrinkled; look,” the blonde spoke softly as
she took Ari’s hands in hers and opened them up. Glancing down, the girl noticed her white fingers ridged and furrowed
from being too long in water, her forearms pink from constant rubbing. Blinking at the appearance of her arms, Ari gulped
nervously as she turned away. She began to fear that her earlier madness was returning, but was unable to voice her
fears. Understanding her reaction, the storyteller reached out and lightly brushed tender fingers over Ari’s damp hair.
“It’s all right honey, sometimes our fears and insecurities make us see what isn’t really there,” Gabrielle gently explained as
she led Ari’s drenched form from the cooling ripples of the lake.
Gabrielle watched as the girl scrubbed her arm nearly raw. In an attempt to peel away her first layer of skin, Ari
vigorously rubbed the stone over her flesh, finally resting on her forearm. Afraid that she would tear the skin, the blonde
healer intervened. Once she had Ari out of the water, she quickly dried her then pulled a clean shirt over her daughter’s
battered and bruised body. Now that she was no longer bleeding, the storyteller did not bother to have Ari put on the
rags worn during moon cycles.
Once covered by a clean shirt, Gabrielle felt her tall daughter wrap an arm over her shoulder and, using her as support,
they slowly walked back to camp. Only when the girl was settled on her bedroll, did the blonde return to wash her
daughter’s filthy clothing. On her way back, she noticed Xena searching through the tall brush. At her curious expression,
her lover smiled as she held up a handful of green indented leaves and yellow flowers.
“Artemisia!” the warrior exclaimed as she returned her attention to the white tops of the cluster of bushes.
“Artemisia?” the Amazon frowned as she tried to remember what she knew about the flowers. When is appeared that her
soulmate would not explain, she mentally shrugged Xena’s actions away as she moved back to the lake to finish her own
bath and to wash their clothing.
The feelings, combined with the endless fatigue, were alien to Ari. Although she knew that she had just fought her way
back from madness, she could not understand the pain that she felt. It was not a physical pain, as when Alti had wounded
her. Nor was it like the pain of being raped by the two brothers. Instead it was a pain that seemed to engulf her entire
soul and this was something entirely new to the dark child.
As her parents moved around the camp, she remained silently staring at the campfire. From somewhere in the back of her
mind, she heard the slight flutters of whispers coming from both her mothers, yet turned her attention away in an attempt to
avoid overhearing their thoughts. Ari sat with her shirt pulled over her knees to keep the cool night breeze at bay. With
legs drawn close to her body, she rested her chin on her knees as she gazed into the mixture of orange, red and yellow
colors of the warm fire. While a part of her thoughts marveled at the perfect intricacies of each flame, another part
pondered these strange, new emotions surrounding her.
When her birth mother moved close to the fire, she watched the taller warrior’s movements with mild interest. With brows
creased Xena ground some white fluffy flowers into fine grains then mixed them carefully with a yellow powder, which she
had mashed a few minutes before. When the two mixtures were combined she poured them into a pot of bubbling water.
At her mother’s smile, Ari only blinked as she turned her gaze toward the blonde. In silence, the smaller woman was
monitoring the duck that was skewered over the flames.
“Umm, almost ready,” the storyteller licked her lips as she glanced at Ari. “Are you hungry?”
Ari thought over her question then answered softy, “No.”
At her response, the healer frowned, “I know honey, but you’ve got to eat, even if it’s only a little bit.”
For Ari, telling anything but the truth had not occurred to her. She hadn’t thought that the truth would cause the woman
pain, but if she had known that Gabrielle would worry over her response, she might have thought twice about answering
truthfully. Instead, she had answered as she felt. In truth, she was not hungry, nor was she thirsty. Truth be known, she
really didn’t feel anything. Unlike her time in darkness when she was unable to respond or break free, this time all she felt
was numbness within her. When she wasn’t numb, she felt the endless pain inside her soul and to her, the better of the
two was numbness. If Ari had known better how to express herself, she might have explained this to her mothers, but
because she wasn’t all together certain what was or wasn’t normal, all she could do was to keep her silence.
“Here, Ari, eat a little bit,” when the girl seemed to hesitate, the blonde smiled gently and added, “Can you eat a little bit
for me?” Gabrielle softly pleaded as she handed a piece of meat to the girl.
In silence Ari lightly nibbled on the bird. The taste, although wonderful, did not cause the numbness of her soul to go
away. Whatever hunger she might have felt before her time in darkness, did not return. But rather than pondering on it,
she ate in silence as the soft drone of her mother’s voices registered in the back of her mind.
“Ummm, tea! Xena, what do we owe this small treat to?” Gabrielle asked as she leaned forward and inhaled the steam
rising from the bubbling pot.
“Ah, not for you, my little bard!” the warrior princess teased as she took a mug and dipped it into the boiling liquid. “This
is for Ari, it will help her,” the warrior stated as she leaned over and placed the cup beside Ari.
Ari smelled the sweet scent of the tea wafting past her nostrils. Licking the juices of the meat from her fingers, she set her
food down and took the steaming mug between her palms. Closing her eyes, she inhaled deeply of the herbal concoction,
then opened her eyes and began to blow on it to cool it down. Once it was cool enough to drink, she tested the liquid
against her lips. At the sweetness, she closed her eyes and drank the soothing tea, feeling it cross her palate and rest
easily at the back of her throat. When the initial sweetness dissipated, a tangy sourness reached her taste buds. At the
diverse flavors, she smiled slightly as she drank deeply from the cup.
“That’s a girl!” She heard Xena encourage, then, when the cup was empty, the older warrior refilled it with more tea.
“Here you go, drink it up.”
When she finished with the second, she meekly smiled as she held the empty cup to her mother. Pleased by this simple
show of appreciation, Xena took the mug and filled it only half way. “Okay, but this is it. No more for you after that.”
“What do you say, Ari?” her blonde mother caused Ari to pause before gulping down the tea. At her obvious confusion,
the storyteller repeated, “You say, ‘thank you,’” as she gazed at Ari her eyes conveying a silent message. Remembering
all of the times that the blonde had tried to teach her the right words to say, the girl nodded understanding.
“T-Thank you,” her voice cracked from disuse as she lowered her eyes and drank of the soothing liquid.
“You’re welcome,” she heard her birthmother say with a soft chuckle in her voice.
“Once, I thought there were rules to follow around Alti. Don’t disobey. Clean the cave. Anticipate all of Alti’s needs,
and most importantly, never fight the older woman off when she wanted to have pleasure with me. Any infraction of these
rules would end up with Ari getting a severe beating… or worse,” the dark child thought.
As she contemplated this, she realized that here in this world, with her new family, there was a multitude of new rules to
remember. Everyone had to greet each other with a cheery salutation when they first woke. From her sister, it was
always some platitude about Eli. For her mothers, it was a simple, “Good Morning.” Then there was the rule of not
saying the first thing that came to one’s mind. For instance, when her sister asked if a particular color shade in her skirt
made her look fat, Ari was not allowed to tell Eve that it was not the color or the skirt, but her wide hips and ass that
made her look fat. This, she could not say. Nor was she allowed to tell Xena that the morning gruel she made for them
did indeed taste like something that her stallion Than might have chewed on and then spit out. Instead, she was supposed
to “compliment” the warrior on being a fine cook even if she wasn’t, and if someone gave her something Ari was always
supposed to thank the person.
