By L. Crystal Michallet-Romero
Copyright © June 28, 2002 L. Crystal Michallet-Romero
All Rights Reserved
Reworked: Tuesday, February 17, 2004
Dedication:
Ari’s story is for all survivors, and the people who love them.
Disclaimers:
* Xena Warrior Princess, its characters, and all related materials are the property of MCA/Universal and
Renaissance Pictures. All other characters are mine.
* This story in no way reflects the life or actions of the wonderful actress, Claire Stansfield. Her portrayal of
Xena’s nemesis was so wickedly inspired as to make the character of Alti the absolute evil villain.
Rated: NC-17, not intended or suitable for children.
Violence: Physical child abuse issues are portrayed and its effects are completely explored.
Sexual Violence: Child molestation is depicted and its effects are explored fully.
Subtext:
X/G are portrayed as being in a loving, long-term relationship/marriage.
Heterosexual:
Yep, straight stuff is portrayed, but there is a reason for it, so feel free to skip the areas that you feel are icky.
But if you do skip these parts, don’t ask me later why you’re lost! LOL, it may not seem like it, but there is a
method to my madness.
Extra Warning:
As Alti raised the main character, I feel it’s necessary to warn that this story deals with child abuse and
molestation issues. It may trigger abuse issues for some. This story should be unpleasant for all readers, but to
know Ari, and the difficulties that her new family faces, it is important to know where she came from.
Note to Readers:
* For obvious reasons, I have not included the specific details regarding the mixture of Artemisia and Tansy
tea. This combination of herbs can be extremely dangerous and should only be mixed and administered by
experienced herbalist, midwife healers or physicians who are familiar with alternative medicine.
Ari felt the afternoon sun filter through the branches of the trees. As the travois bumped along the dirt road,
she found herself drifting in and out of sleep. The pain in her body was only lessened when her dreams took
over. Each time those dreams took on a sinister tone, she awoke to Gabrielle’s familiar smile. The blonde’s
calm, reassuring manner dispelled any fears that may have filled her.
Despite the storyteller’s assurances, Ari had a hard time understanding her actions. Every crime she had
committed should have brought the older woman’s wrath down on her, but to the girl’s amazement, she had
yet to see her second mother’s anger. In fact, aside for the shorter woman’s single outburst when she learned
that Ari had listened to her thoughts, Gabrielle did not turn on her, and instead allowed the girl to give her the
title of Maia, and this puzzled the dark child. Rather than anger, Gabrielle willingly accept the more informal
title that Ari remembered from long ago.
Although she had never been concerned about her transgressions while with Alti, Ari was now aware of her
crimes. The shame of her actions against innocent villagers and her subsequent order to murder all bards was
hard for her to accept. If anyone had accused her of it a few weeks ago, she would have denied it. But now
that the vivid memories were returning to her like slow trickling droplets of water, the dark child could not
deny being the cause of so much pain to so many innocents. Understanding this, she found it hard to believe
that Gabrielle could truly forgive all the bloodshed on her hands, because for Ari, she could not truly forgive
herself for it.
When her brooding thoughts were somehow sensed, she felt a slight touch cross over her forehead. Ari
opened her eyes and gazed up into the soft smile looking down at her. When the travois stopped, the
storyteller knelt beside her.
“How are you feeling?” The gentle voice asked. With a weak smile and a nod, Ari sighed deeply. Gabrielle
stroked her hair as she continued. “We’re going to break for camp now. Your mother found a nice, open
area and a secluded lake. I bet you’re anxious for a bath?”
At her words, Ari nodded as the feelings of filth returned to her. “Although I’ve never truly felt clean, I’ve
never felt as dirty as now,” she thought as memories of the attack of the two brothers returned to her. The feel
of their hands holding her, forcing her to stillness as they… No, she would not allow herself to delve too
deeply into these memories because each time she did, she was taken back to the images of her childhood.
Remembering their touch was as hard as remembering all that Alti had done to her, and in turn, reminded her
of what she had done to the innocent people who had crossed her path. “Whatever happened to me at the
brothers’ hands, I deserved,” a part of Ari kept thinking.
When she felt the cessation of movement by the travois, Ari opened her eyes and watched as her two mothers
easily unlaced the bindings holding her in place. As the cover was removed, Gabrielle reached below her and
helped her rise from her prone position. At the sudden feeling of freedom, the tall girl slowly stretched her legs
and winced, keenly aware of the pain between them.
“It’s all right, honey, you’re just bruised. It will stop hurting soon,” her birth mother assured as she helped her
lover support and lift Ari from the travois.
“Yes, I-I am all right,” Ari meekly replied. As she began to get her footing, her steps were light as she leaned
heavily against the storyteller. Her movements were slow and controlled in an attempt to cause the least
amount of pain possible.
Gabrielle had been keeping a close eye on her daughter. Each time the girl’s brows furrowed in her sleep, the
blonde reached down and lightly stroked Ari’s temple, soothing away the nightmares. Although her daughter
had yet to talk about the dreams, the Amazon knew that they had a lot to do with the girl’s confessions of
murdering innocent people and of her ordering the death of the bards.
With a shiver, Gabrielle closed her eyes against the memories of all the people who had perished because of
this girl before her. Many of the bards she had met through her journeys with Xena and although there were
rumors that storytellers were imprisoned, after Alti’s army had been defeated, and no bards were found among
the prisoners, they began to doubt that the stories were anything more than false legends fabricated to bolster
up the Destroyer’s image. Now that she knew the truth, she felt a part of her soul recoil at the thought. Yet
each time the blonde felt herself grow angry, she’d gaze down at the girl and watch her peacefully sleeping
features. Whenever she saw Ari’s closed eyes, her easy breaths, she found it hard to believe that the girl had
acted on her own desires. It was easier to believe that Alti was the driving influence behind her child’s actions.
With a slight smile at her lover, the blonde helped steady Ari as she led her toward the nearby lake. Xena
nodded before she turned her attention to setting up their camp. Neither one had spoken of their plans, yet
they each seemed to know what was needed. Because the girl was comfortable with her, Gabrielle would be
the one to help her bathe, and then dress her in a nightshirt, while the warrior made up their bedrolls, built the
fire for the night and gathered their food for dinner.
Xena felt herself torn between multitudes of thoughts about Ari’s rape. Her first and foremost concern was for
her daughter’s health and that included her mental health. Although the girl was aware of her surroundings and
was talking again, her rape added a whole new dimension to the warrior’s worries, which included the thought
of an unwanted pregnancy.
Each time she glanced at Ari, she wondered if she should discuss the matter with the girl. But every time she
saw her daughter’s staring gaze, the sadness within her eyes, Xena thought better of talking with her child.
Instead the warrior turned inward as she tried to think through this new dilemma.
Ari was not ready to be a mother, this much Xena knew. Between captivity in the hands of Alti, and her time
of murderous rampage as the Destroyer, and yes, even the most recent rape, the warrior princess knew that
there would simply be too many things Ari would have to deal with. “A baby will be too much for her,” the
warrior kept telling herself.
Of course, Xena tried to convince herself, the laws of probability could be in their favor, and a child might not
even result from this rape. But if probability was not in their favor, could she and Gabrielle help Ari raise a
baby, while also helping her to assimilate into a normal life? Each time she glanced at the girl, she saw the dark
shadows under Ari’s eyes, the sadness and pain etched in her features were clearly visible.
“No, Ari is not ready to be a mother,” Xena told herself for the thousandth time. True, she and Gabrielle
would be there, but the older woman doubted that even with their help, Ari would be any better at raising a
child than the warrior princess had first been. Knowing this, and remembering everything that she had
experienced at the age of 14, convinced the warrior that she had only one option. The solution was so easy,
and aside for minor pain, it would not cause any long-term physical damage. Although the chances of
pregnancy from the double rape were not guaranteed, even the slightest possibility was more than the dark
haired woman was willing to gamble on. With this in mind, she began to formulate the least invasive plan that
would insure no child would be conceived.
Ari could not explain it, but for some reason, she felt no shame in front of Gabrielle. Disrobing in front of
others had always been difficult. When she was with Alti, she often times had no choice in the matter. But
now that she was with her family, she felt reluctant to show herself. Ashamed of her nakedness, she
maintained a strict stance on communal bathing, avoiding it at all cost. But this time was different. After the
rape and beating, her body was so badly bruised that she found it difficult to even move. She could not have
removed her clothing by herself even if she tried. Thankfully, the blonde was nearby to help her unclothe and
clean the stench from her body.
“Ari, you’re clean now,” she heard the woman’s voice and felt the soft hand covering her own. As if the filth
was deep within her pores, Ari continued to scrub with the pumice stone long after the blonde had finished
helping her bathe. With a grimace, she stared at her own flesh and saw the imaginary signs of filth covering her
skin. Angered that she could not seem to cleanse herself of it completely, the dark girl frowned as an
involuntary sigh escaped her.
