The never ending pain that was becoming her friend surrounded her heart. As the music from the tavern filtered through the
floor, Zara laid quietly in Gabrielle’s embrace. She watched the images that the flame from the single lantern made against the
farthest wall. The feel of the healer’s soft skin, the heat of her body, warmed the Moroccan in ways that no other could. Yet
when she remembered what it had felt like with Xena’s soul inside of her, using her body to be with this woman, the captain
had to admit that the love she felt from the blonde was not nearly as much love as the Amazon gave to the Warrior Princess.
Zara was fully aware of this dichotomy. Xena and Gabrielle were soulmates, spirit twins united throughout all of eternity and
Zara… well, she knew who she was to the storyteller. She was Gabrielle’s friend, and once her lover. But anything deeper,
anything greater could never again be.
The Moroccan had always known that this day would come. There was never a doubt in her mind that if they were able to
bring back the ghost warrior that Gabrielle would be going with Xena, and Zara would once again be left alone. Although she
knew that this was always a possibility, the fact that it was happening as planned did not comfort her soul. If anything it tore a
wedge through the very fiber of her heart.
Zara did not know what she had done to Allah to be plagued by this life. In her thirty-four summers she could not remember
a single moment when she felt true happiness and this disturbed her. Sometimes she wondered if she was bad, and this was
why she was destined to never feel the love of her soulmate. Yet just as this thought crossed her mind, she reminded herself
that she had made it through the cave of Amenta. The magical powers that were only granted to those of pure heart
redeemed her through Xena’s touch. Did this mean then that she was not a bad person? But then, where was Alaya? Why
wasn’t she there in the passage to Paradise, just as her mother and Inaam were? Could it truly be that so much time had
passed that her spirit twin abandoned her forever and would not be waiting for her in the afterlife. These thoughts constantly
plagued her mind.
“What are you thinking?” Gabrielle’s soft voice rose into the room as her fingers continued to brush through the Moroccan’s
long, thick hair.
A soft sigh escaped Zara’s control as she snuggled deeper into the smaller woman’s embrace. Not since Xena’s return had
they made love. The Moroccan could not have explained her aversion to the act, she only knew that now that Xena lived, it
did not feel right. She knew that Gabrielle’s generous heart would not have withheld anything from her, but the captain did
not ask it of the blonde. All she desired was to feel this closeness. The human touch that was filled with such love beckoned
her, and the healer willingly complied.
Everything had changed when Xena came back. She could no longer view the ghost warrior as a phantom who did not exist.
The warrior was solid, flesh and bones. Her features that were once hidden from Zara were now clear in her mind. What
was more important, the warrior’s darkest fears and desires were firmly embedded in the captain’s memories in ways that she
never expected.
Xena was like a sister to her. Closer than any sister she ever had. They shared their dark pain, fears and desires and Zara
knew that there was no other, not even Gabrielle, who knew her as well as the warrior princess. Because of this union, the
dusky captain could never covet what was not hers. So instead, she was going to do what she had planned all along. She
would leave the Amazon and her warrior, and move on with her life even though the pain of being alone was almost too much
to bear at times.
With a slight smile, Zara lifted her head and kissed the side of Gabrielle’s soft cheek. “I was thinking that I will have to leave
soon, make certain that the ship is ready,” she schooled her voice as she snuggled back against the softness of the woman.
“I-I… wish you would change your mind,” Gabrielle whispered as she left a light kiss against Zara’s forehead. “I think you’d
like my sister, Lila. And Potidaea is a nice little town to relax in.”
“You and Xena will settle in Potidaea then?” she asked.
“No, but my sister is there. It’s been so long since I’ve seen her. She’s over fifty now and I want to spend some time with
her, get to know her again, then we’ll move on to Amphipolis. Xena’s mother used to run a tavern there but since she passed
on, it’s been sitting empty,” Gabrielle absently said as her fingers began to trace the zigzag patterns of the scars on Zara’s
back.
“So you will settle down with Xena and run a tavern,” the humor laced Zara’s voice.
“Don’t laugh, I think I’d be a great business owner,” Gabrielle giggled.
Rising from her position, Zara gazed down into the smaller woman’s eyes. The colors of silver and green caused Gabrielle’s
eyes to sparkle from the lantern’s light.
“If you perhaps employed a few working girls, I would visit, and if the mistress of the tavern were to… offer herself, I might
be tempted to stay on for quite a while.” Zara allowed the corners of her lips to turn into a smile as her eyes grew to slits.
Gabrielle’s eyes grew wide with surprise before she playfully slapped at the Moroccan’s shoulder. Not to be outdone, Zara
reached for the woman’s ribs and began to tickle her soft flesh. With whoops of laughter the smaller woman struggled against
the captain’s attack until she managed to capture the dusky woman’s hands in hers. Panting and out of breath, they gazed
into each other’s eyes, their smiles mirroring each other. Then, before she realized a change, a tear escaped the storyteller’s
control.
“Oh, Zara! I do love you. I’m going to miss you so much!” she wept as she pulled her into an embrace.
The captain closed her eyes tightly against her own tears. As she hugged the blonde close, she inhaled the smaller woman’s
sweet scent. Bathed in her warmth, she placed everything about Gabrielle to memory. When control returned, she pulled
away and smiled down at the smaller woman. Her finger gently wiped away the blonde’s tears.
“I love you as well, but it is meant to be, we both knew this,” she said as the amulet around her neck brushed against the
Greek woman’s flesh. “And, we will never truly be apart,” Zara added as she took the amulet in her hand and held it up for
both to see. “Xena and I will be forever linked. All I need do is remove this amulet, and I will be able to see you through
your soulmate’s eyes.”
“And she’ll see through yours as well?” Gabrielle took the magical stone in hand and examined it as her tears began to dry.
“That is what Chione said. As long as I wear this, Xena and I will be separated. But when I remove it, she will know my
thoughts and… everything,” the captain shrugged by way of explanation.
“Then you promise, that if you ever need me… need us, you’ll remove it so that we’ll know and come to help?” Gabrielle
looked deeply into her eyes.
“I promise,” Zara cupped her hand around the Amazon’s smaller hands.
“And maybe, if you just want to say hello?” Gabrielle smiled shyly.
“Yes, Gabrielle. Do you think I would be able to go through life and not make sure that you are all right, that you are well?”
she asked as she gazed at the lapis stone that hung by a golden chain around her neck.
“If you ever need me, I will be there as well,” she promised as she lowered herself to kiss Gabrielle’s soft lips. At their single
touch, she felt all of the healer’s love. Although it brought sadness to the blonde, Zara knew that Gabrielle understood. She
knew that the separation was meant to be because the Moroccan could never be to the Greek storyteller what Xena was to
her.
When they pulled apart from the kiss, Zara smiled softly before lightly touching the tip of Gabrielle’s nose. “Someday,
Gabrielle, we will meet again.”
“I know, but I’ll miss you until then,” the blonde woman whispered.
“And I you, Gabrielle,” the captain sighed, then pulled herself from the Greek woman’s arms and left the comfort of the bed.
By the light of the single candle, she pulled her clothes on. She felt Gabrielle moving quietly behind her. When they were
dressed, they faced each other once more. The look of sadness and indecision covered their faces.
